There is a First of Every Thing

Sometimes you know when you are meant to do a good thing by the amount of opposition that you face. When clearing my desk for this first post, I gave myself a double paper cut on the tip of my middle finger. This was the day I picked to really write, to put my butt in the chair and words on the screen. Of course.

But, paper cuts are not terrible. Yes ouch, the blood and all, but really? Not bad. I'll deal with it. A good washing, a bandage, and some awkward typing will do the trick. It's minor in a long string of comically tragic circumstances from my adolescence to my current midlife.

During my teenage years, I naively thought that individuals only face one significant life-altering challenge. One "thing." That is how society presents difficulties. In narratives, a character is just minding their business, and boom: obstacle. We follow the protagonist through handling said obstacle, and most times see them through to some sort of resolution. Television programs follow a similar pattern but often are boiled down to 60 or fewer minutes. Even news segments portray one-dimensional storylines, highlighting a cancer someone is battling or a miraculous 80-year marriage, overlooking the daily nuances that pepper the person's life. I was unaware that real people could and would go through numerous episodes of true strife. I suppose I can blame it on my quiet country upbringing and the books that were my closest friends.

What I thought was my "thing" occurred when I chose life in the form of a nine-pound baby boy as a teen. I knew that it would be hard, but I was ready to give up everything for this incredible life entrusted to me. So, I buckled down as a young mother, graduated on time with honors, and enrolled in college. A month after high school I met my future husband. We eventually dated, got engaged, and married when my little one was four. Life went on, and I got through the hardest of times, right? I made it. And then God laughed and laughed because He knew this was just the beginning.

Our little family eventually returned to the small rural town my husband grew up in and moved into a house only a few doors down from his childhood home. We had a baby girl, a baby boy shortly after, and then our surprise caboose five years later. We knew our family was complete with four children. I was climbing the ladder at work, finishing my finance degree online, our marriage and children were thriving, and life was so good. It was not perfect, but every family has peaks and valleys through the many stages of childrearing. I felt capable of dealing with any challenge that arose, and unfairly looked down on those who couldn't as lacking in strength or drive.

My health issues began the year my youngest child was born. I had nagging symptoms that could not be explained or diagnosed. I was always exhausted. After giving up with doctors I remember thinking, "This is just life with four kids. You're older now and working harder than ever." Several well-meaning people in my life echoed that sentiment, so I went on with life feeling increasingly worse. It was another "thing" to face and conquer.

A few years later new blood tests were run following a routine check-up. The results were so startling my doctor ordered an immediate hysterectomy following a failed uterine ablation. Finally, a resolution for my symptoms. I anticipated feeling better and went forward with the surgery feeling intensely hopeful for the next chapter.

Unfortunately, the day I underwent that surgery marked the beginning of a life filled with severe pain and fatigue. The operation resulted in damage to my pudendal nerve, which affected my nervous system and led to immediate symptoms of complex regional pain syndrome. This was the next "thing." Despite sincere efforts, I was unable to reintegrate into the workforce. My body is unable to cope with a fixed work routine, and I have been disabled since the fall of 2017. Subsequently, I received a Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis, shedding light on the issues I had before the hysterectomy.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that life doesn't present us with "one-and-done" obstacles. We change and grow, navigating through moments of joy and grief, worry and bliss. I've developed deep empathy toward the suffering and aim to offer hope and grace to others. There is no excuse for delaying this realization. Having desired to write for decades, I have come to realize that this is my true calling. It took me reaching a higher level of emotional maturity and awareness before I was ready.

So, this is the first thing here in my new little home on the great big internet. Lord willing, it is the first of many things to follow. I hope to connect with you, encourage you, and help give you hope and joy no matter what "thing" you encounter. Let's walk through life together.